Dr. Kalam rightly said,” Dream, dream and make them come true.” Everyone dreams and should.
Since childhood, I dreamt of being a doctor with a white apron and a stethoscope around my neck… actually a surgeon who could lessen or rather free patients from their pain! Wow.. nice dream na? But destiny… luck or what more you can call… I took exams both for medical and engineering and got a chance to attend the AIEEE counseling. Didn’t select more than 8 colleges and not even more than 2 branches … so how could have got any college and I didn’t! And above this also withdrew the re-counseling form because I was still waiting 4 the medical results with a HOPE! Well, no admission in medicals too!! I felt as if I was left with nothing. That was the time of my life when I felt sleepy but cant get enough sleep; felt hungry but didn’t feel like eating; wanted to be with people yet felt lonely… People seemed like police officers and others reminded me of tough fortune tellers. Dilemma seemed to be the order of the day and reality used to become more painful.
After a month, got admission into an UPTU college to be an Electrical Engineer… which could have never cast a shadow of medicines and plants but only techniques, graphics, simulations… blah blah blah! Hence, my dream turned into rubbles. Me… an Electrical Engineer. Don’t know how these 3 n half years passed… turning me into a MACHINE, without utilization of my mind’s POWER system and without any CONTROL from wasting time… the SWITCHES and NETWORKS of my brain became rusted… and HIGH VOLTAGE had no effect on me!! What’s my destination and where i wanna go?? It’s really a 64 dollar question for me. Last few months studied a bit for MBA exams… but I know those 3 months study would not lead me anywhere. MBA or PSU… Studies or Job… ” my heart wants something and mind suggests something “…
Now, I do not dream any more… my dreams have never got fulfilled. I go on doing things that cum on my way and turn where may it indicates. I have learnt to accept uncertainty as a part of life. At times, just feel ashamed that I have no aim in life. There is nothing that I have decided to do but to LIVE until I DIE. I have not done anything WORTHY OF NOTE and RECOGNITION in these 20 yrs of my life.
” Each morning I see sum task begun
Each evening I see it closed
Something attempted, something done
Just earn night’s repose… ”
I don’t know what success means and how it feels to be successful… but I know success wont lower it’s standard to me, I must raise standard to success. I still remember what Cassius said to Brutus in Julius Caesar – ” The fault dear Brutus is not in our stars but in ourselves that we are underlinged.”
But one thing I‘ll never leave is my creativity, my passion .. my art as I love it a lot. I have always preferred my ME-TIME. I do everything to win but I‘m not afraid to lose also. I believe in moving with d times n I think, I had been that way since childhood. I have always followed ” Be by being n do by doing.” Gawd so many I I I I… I s… 🙂
One has rightly said-
“Trust no future However pleasant
let the dead past bury its dead
Act, act in the living present
Heart within and God overhead.”
What’s my destination and where I wanna go?? … as the search for an answer to this question, lurked behind d scenes throughout my college life… I wanted to describe but don’t know how!
Hope future has something good stored in for me!!
And for this I have to work hard and don’t have to waste much time in this blogging…. ;P