Yes, how December 2011 arrived I did not even realize. After having fun-filled months, some problems both personal and professional aroused and life seemed to stop moving. I felt as if I was not living but just existing. I was not alone but felt lonely. The mundane day included getting up, having breakfast, going office, reading, having lunch, returning home, cooking and having dinner, if interested reading again and then sleeping. I felt happy for a day or two and then remained sad for the next few days. Failure, success, attraction, closeness, love, lust, profiles, projects, colleagues, misunderstandings, all irritated me. I was no more interested in going to office. Many roads were seen in front of me but I was facing trouble in choosing the one. I was finding myself on the same phase when I was in college with no job. At times, I felt leaving this job and this city of which I got so bored. Though I had a lot to do I was always idle. I suffered intense feeling of inferiority on seeing others. Even if I decided something, my mind was not accepting it. I was searching myself, the real me had hidden somewhere in this confusion. When I looked back over few months, I noticed that I did not called people anymore but only received calls; no more did I planned for any outing, no updates on facebook, no sketching, no snaps clicked though I loved photography and above all no laughing out loud not even smiled often which once used to be a part of my face.
I felt frustrated, irritated and abysmal. I felt as if I faced a fiasco. I was not sure of the main reason behind all this. I did not know what made me so upset. One day, after a good conversation with myself my friend I doubted whether there was some problem actually or I was creating it. What was stopping me? That’s right. There was nothing. I think we like to complicate things when it is really quite simple.
Then, I realized I should not worry about the worry else it would soon dominate me. I remembered one saying, “Smile and the world smiles with you; frown and you frown alone.” If you find what it is that makes you happy and who it is that makes you happy, you are SET from that upSET. So, I made my mind to become as LIVELY as before, to LIVE my life, to spend my ME-TIME and above all to LOVE myself. I was created to be ME then why should I run from it. It’s okay not to be perfect. 😛 🙂
I thank God that I have now understood it and feeling pretty good to prepare for my future.
“I sometimes thought I want to get disappear but now I realized all I really want is to be found.”
P.S. – I’m all set for the year 2012. 🙂 😀
P.S. – Stay away from people who try to belittle your ambitions, small people always does that.